Online Dating: How I Met My Mate
By Barbara Wright Abernathy
Do you think online dating is only for the young and the foolish? Not true! Lots of men and and women of all
ages are finding the love of their life through online dating. I did it and so can you.
Oh, No, Single Again!
When I separated from husband number three, I was 47 years old and plenty scared that I would never find a good man
to love. I read all those stories about how a woman over 40 has a better chance of being hit by lightning than
getting married again. It's all nonsense. Your life is determined by the state of your consciousness.
When you end an unhappy chapter of your life, it means you've got some soul-searching and spiritual work to
do. If you are willing to do the work required to heal your emotional hurts and resentments, you can write a new
chapter with a very different ending. I went through a real “Dark Night of the Soul” following my third divorce,
but I had such a big, stubborn ego that the only way I was going to learn the lessons I needed to learn was to be
I didn't really find my own spiritual truth until I lost everything else. It took some time, but I eventually
turned my life around completely on every front-health, finances, work, and relationships.
As you get older, it becomes more difficult to meet eligible men. More and more people of every age are using
online dating to find their special someone. My story should give you lots of confidence that you can meet the
right man for you, no matter what your age or geographical location. When you're having trouble meeting
eligible prospects in more conventional ways online dating is certainly worth a try.
If anyone had a good reason to complain about how hard it was to meet a good man, it was me. I was over 50, living
in a very small mountain town where most people in my age group were married couples. It's a community of pickup
trucks and blue jeans. The local joke is: “If you find a guy in Big Bear who is still single, he's either in
recovery or on parole.” In nearly three years of living there I met a few single men, but no one that I wanted to
Finding My Soul Mate
Two weeks after I moved in to the new house I bought, I met my soul mate. It all started several months before,
when a woman I knew showed up at church one Sunday with a nice looking, neatly dressed guy in tow. In a sport coat
and slacks, not blue jeans—wow!
“He's not from around here, is he?” I asked, “Where did you meet him?”
“On the internet!” she replied.
“Are you serious?” I gasped! She told me there were lots of nice men in our age group using the online dating sites
and encouraged me to try the one where they met.
I put my profile and picture on the website she recommended and a whole new world opened up to me. Quite a
few men contacted me, and this gave me the opportunity to practice and hone my skills at determining whether they
were worth the time and trouble to actually meet in person.
I was very specific about my basic requirements in my profile and it amazed me to see how many guys seemed to just
ignore what they read. I stated that I did not want a long distance relationship. He must live close enough
geographically so we could see each other at least twice a week. I'd get e-mails from New York, Florida, Texas. I
stated flatly “no smokers.” Then I'd find out in a phone conversation that the guy smoked! What were they thinking?
Couldn't they read?
I did meet several good men and dated them for a period of weeks or months, but no one really clicked with me. That
was all right. It was fun checking the internet site to see who contacted me, then writing and talking to lots of
different men. Sure, a few were losers or idiots, but most were just decent men who wanted to meet their
special woman and fall in love.
The whole experience restored my faith in the male of the species. I saw that most men want someone to love
just as much as we women do. They touched my heart and strengthened my resolve to keep the faith. I believed with
all my heart that my soul mate was out there looking for me and wanting me as much as I wanted him.
I read some of the success stories posted on the site and noticed that in many cases, the woman had made the
initial contact. It gave me the confidence to try my own search instead of just responding to those who
contacted me. I wondered if there might be anyone interesting who lived anywhere nearby. My search turned up dozens
of men who lived within an hour's drive.
Something immediately drew me to Stephen's profile. He lived in a nearby town right at the bottom of the
mountain. His face was blurry in his photo but he was wearing a sleeveless tee shirt, which revealed his muscular
upper arms. I'm a sucker for a great pair of biceps, so I contacted him by e-mail. In his online dating
profile he said he liked to write poetry, so in the subject line I wrote: “Your muse awaits.”
He was intrigued by my message. He wasn't quite sure what a muse was and had to look it up in the dictionary. (A
muse is someone who is an inspiration to an artist, especially a poet). He told me later that my clever, romantic
line made his day.
We wrote back and forth a few times, and then talked on the phone for several weeks. He sounded rather casual on
the phone and I wasn't sure I wanted to meet him. He was persistent though, and convinced me to meet him at
a coffee house called Grounds for Enjoyment. Little did I know how prophetic that would turn out to be!
I still didn't know what his face looked like. Oh, but there was no mistake about those biceps! I assumed his looks
would be nothing special because of the blurry photo. I kept my expectations low and my mind open, so I
wouldn't be disappointed, no matter what happened.
The First Meeting
I was waiting outside when he pulled up in his purple Explorer. He got out and walked toward me and my heart nearly
stopped! He was tall, slim, and extremely good looking, half-Italian with dark hair and eyes, an aquiline
nose, and strong jaw line. He was wearing a black leather jacket that immediately reminded me of my old high school
swains back in New Jersey.
We said hello, and then he impulsively gave me a hug. It caught me off guard but I liked it, and it was okay with
me that he did it.
We hit it off immediately. We talked for hours that first night. Before I drove back up the mountain I told
him that he felt like family to me. He reminded me so much of my Italian family back east. Being with him was easy
We dated, got engaged, and then married a year and three months later. Online dating worked for me better than I
could have dreamed!
If I had not done all that spiritual work before I met him, none of this would have come to be. He is so
grateful to have a woman in his life that enjoys being in charge. And I am so grateful to have a man in my life who
accepts and loves me as I am. We've been together five years now and every day I'm thankful to have such a good
man as my partner in life.
Great relationships are created through your consciousness (as is everything else in your life). That's what I know
to be true through my own experience. Great love is possible for every one of us so don't give up! Online
dating could be the perfect way for you to meet your soul mate just as it was for me.
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